Nobody Reads This

You almost need to cue up Benny Hill when reading this year’s PC Gamer Top 100. From reading it you get the distinct impression that the whipper snappers at the office have taken over becoming an army of 20-something retards who were busy sounding out their letters when real gamers were kicking virtual ass.

One of the worst things done this year was the lack of reasoning for most of their picks – You mainly get a hammed up summary of the game. Such as the first line of the Gears of War summary: “So! Macho! He’s gotta be, so! Macho!”. Yeah, quite. You retards.

Anyway, here’s Part 1of my PC Gamer Top 100 Reflections, 1-20.

20 System Shock 2

The 5-20 bracket is effectively the Silver medal category of games, and in this respect you have to wonder how a game of this caliber fell so low. System Shock 2 was the definitive horror shooter a genre only really brought to modernism in the sub-par FEAR games. SHODAN was ranked as one of their favourite villains of all time and yet they obviously don’t respect the game as much as they should.

This game is still an utter masterpiece even now, a remake needs to happen.

19 World in Conflict

I played this game, it’s basically just Act of War a few years later with all the base building taken out. I don’t see whats even remotely special about this title, it’s been done and quite often not much worse.

18 The Longest Journey

Won’t pretend to know what this is, anybody?

17 Anachronox

Ok, i’m not doing well Never hear of it, but I have heard good things.

16 Armed Assault

Understandable in the Top 100, but simply not special enough for this bracket imo.

15 Galactic Civilizations 2

The GalCiv games were ambitious and brilliantly aimed at the Sci-fi TBS market which is the safe haven of many power nerds, myself included. Sadly there aren’t many in the rest of the run up. I couldn’t help but think that this game lacked the interactivity of it’s ancient predecessor Master of Orion. Then again, this game is vastly more complicated.

14 Thief 2

Thief is one of those brilliant games you keep going back to … Not because you think you can squeeze that extra gold piece out of the last level … But because you want to fucking see the last level! The Thief games are on that shelf you all have of games you want to beat … But genuinely can’t.

13 Eve Online

Is anybody else of the opinion Eve is what you get when you finely craft a game engine … And forget to put the actual game in? I know there’s a million screaming mathematicians who’re explaining to me exactly why it’s better than every other game in at least 40 billion different ways … But my God … That game was dull. Like work … Without the wages.

12 Bioshock

How. Did. This. Ever. Outrank. System. Shock. 2.

*Sigh* It’s still a great game, but you know it’s true.

11 Civilization IV

I will admit, Civilization IV is probably the best incarnation of the series on quite some time. There is a problem with it though … It lacks any real je ne sais quoi if you know what I mean. The old ones were new and completely revolutionary … Then the next incarnations just added more and more content. The only thing really new here is the inclusion of Religions. *Shrugs*

10 UFO: Enemy Unknown

This game shares something in Common with Thief … I’ve played them both plenty of times over my many years of Video games, but I have never finished a game. Hell, I don’t even get to a decent level of research most times. Isometric Alien Invasion … Never got better.

9 Planetscape Torment

Never played this … I kinda regret it.

8 Hitman Blood Money

Is anybody else thinking “Why this and not Hitman 2?”. I found after Hitman 2 the character and the plot became so diluted I couldn’t help but think it was rubbish. Most of the levels were either frustrating or pathetically easy. Hitman 2 felt like a nice balance and it certainly felt much more poetic.

7 Oblivion

I fucking hate this game. I. Fucking. Hate. Games. Although, I will admit that the prospect of modding this game makes it definitely worth a look. A brief one through sun glasses though.

6 Portal

Should’ve been number 1 and I whole heartedly mean that.

5 Medieval II Total War

I haven’t played this … Because I let the first one and Rome steal hundreds of hours from me. I love these games, but I always thought that the games don’t play out realistically enough in combat … Which is peculiar considering thats what this game is supposed to be all about.

4 World of Warcraft

What can I say … This doesn’t surprise anybody. Blizzard still owns 10 million subscriber’s souls and I’m one of them. I can’t help but feel that they could be doing more … But they insist on making three games at a time. Crazy fuckers.

3 Half Life 2

If you haven’t played this game then you should, then you should go on the internet and download the top 20 most downloaded mods (don’t miss Garry’s Mod for 1,000s of hours alone). Then you should buy the Source multiplayer pack. Then you should go out and pick up Half Life 1 and do exactly the same again. Then you should download Poke 646, that mod is awesome.

Then you should realise you just spent about $40. Thats fucking it.

Best Engine ever made, by the best developers in the industry and you don’t even have to pay out of the nose for it.

2 Deus Ex

Deus Ex is utterly timeless and every gamer I know has been forced into playing it at some point … And they loved it. Every god damn one of them and who wouldn’t? You play a cybernetically enhanced special agent who travels across the world to uncover and eventually topple a deep running global conspiracy involving aliens, AIs and nasty guys called Majestic 12.

It’s enthralling … But not only that, it featured non-linear level design to encourage you to do all those little tricks you’ve been practicing. And just in case you were doubting my fandom … NSF001, smashthestate. Bitch.

1 Team Fortress 2

See, now this confuses me. Not only is this game a multiplayer game … But it hasn’t really done anything to write itself into the history books. It has a daring style … And it’s brilliant fun … And I will be playing it for years but what is it really?

It’s Team Fortress … Painted up to look pretty … With the grenades taken out.

*Shrugs* I love it … But #1? I don’t know.

Games Missing from this Top 20

Syndicate, Theme Hospital, Total Annihilation, Half-Life, Call of Duty 4, Psychonauts, Defcon, Starcraft, Diablo 2, Warcraft 3, Unreal Tournament, Red Alert 2, Grim Fandango, Monkey Island, Age of Empires.

Yes, I know I just listed 15 games and most of them are either offensively poorly ranked or not on the list at all. Would you believe that Command and Conquer 3 is on the list at 68 … But Total Annihilation isn’t on it at all. That is fucking wrong.

I’ve had enough, this is probably the second worst Top 100 they’ve ever done. Get in the guys who actually played the games when they came out. Sheesh.

Regards,
JamesR.

I’ve tried to get the guys together a few times to make a Top 100 but it always falls through, who’s interested in maybe shooting for a Top 30? We could sit down and do it some time before I move.